Menu:

 

Back upstairs)

Moolatte: Okay! Round Three! Third time’s the charm!

Livi: Alright!! (digs round in the girls bowl) (pulls out a name) OMG!! Roxxi!!!

Roxxi: Crap, here we go…

Moolatte: And the LUCKY guy is…(makes dramatic performance of shuffling the names around) (pulls out a slip that says Ruki) Ace!

Ace: No.

Livi: What?

Ace: No. I’m not doing it. This is just another stupid trick of yours and I refuse to be a part of it…

Moolatte: You have to! This is a twister of fate! You don’t see this everyday!

Ace: (pauses) (to Roxxi) Did she say twister of fate?

Roxxi: Most unfortunately. (to Moolatte) You are so dead. Maggots will be feasting on your body by morning…

Moolatte: Yes, but before you can do that you MUST…spend seven minutes inside the closet with Ace! (beams)

Ace: (smirks) Make us.

Moolatte: If you both go in this closet, then…then…Livi?

Livi: Not a clue… (motions behind her back)

Annoyance: …Oh, now?

Livi: Yes, now, you idiot!!

Annoyance: Oh! Okay! (snaps her fingers)

(and Ace and Roxxi are suddenly inside the dark, locked closet)

Moolatte: (from top of the stairs) YOU’VE GOT SEVEN MINUTES STARTING…NOW!!!

Roxxi: (looks upward and glares) I really hate that girl…

Ace: You’re not the only one… (wrinkles his nose at the Dragon-stench) now what?

Roxxi: (nervously) Well…we’re in a closet…alone…just the two of us…what do you want to do?

Ace: I want to get the h--- out, but we both know that’s clearly not an option. (is heard fiddling unsuccessfully with the lock)

Roxxi: I can pick the lock!

Ace: (impressed) You can? Excellent! No, wait… that’s probably not the best idea…

Roxxi: Why not?

Ace: If we come out before the seven minutes are up, they’ll just make us go again… there’s got to be another way out…

Roxxi: (looks around) Why are there pillows and blankets? In a CLOSET?

Ace: (eye roll) Like I said, enough time to have a quickie…

Roxxi: Ah. Gotcha. (looks around again) I don’t see another way out. I don’t think there is one…

Ace: Then I’ll just have to make one… (walks over to a corner of the closet) Does this lead outside? If yes, do you mind if I smash it open?

Roxxi: No, by all means go ahead. (sits down mock seductively on a pillow)

Ace: (smiles) Nice… (somehow, manages to quietly pry pieces of the wall off, until there is an opening large enough to crawl through.) Ladies first? Or shall I catch you dramatically when you swing out?

Roxxi: You go ahead. Make sure it’s “safe.”

Ace: Of course. (swings out into the backyard) Because we’re not indestructible vampires or anything?

Roxxi: Ha! I wish!

Ace: (reaches in and offers her a hand) Coming?

Roxxi: (grabs it and attempts to swoon out of the hole) If only I was the swooning tyyyyyyyyype (looses her balance and begins to fall)

Ace: (catches and steadies her in half a second) (arms still around her waist) You alright?

Roxxi: (laughs) Good thing you’re the catching type!

Ace: (laughs) Yeah… good thing. (releases her) (looks up towards the upstairs window, where strobe lights can be seen) You wanna get out of here?

Roxxi: (looks up where she knows Moolatte and Livi are spazzing, because they think that Roxxi and Ace are making out in the closet) Heck yes!

Ace: Alright… but a word of warning: (slings her onto his back) Hold on tight, and no screaming.

Roxxi: (clamps mouth together)

Ace: (smiles, and shoots off towards the forest, vampire speed)

 

(cut to later. It’s raining now, and Ace skids to a stop just outside of a small cave, where he sets Roxxi down so they can take shelter)

 

Roxxi: (breathlessly) How can you run so fast? Did you train with the Marines?

Ace: Mm… not exactly…

Roxxi: Then how can you then?

Ace: (sits down against the far wall) Because I’m a half-blood vampire.

Roxxi: (looks at him) No seriously.

Ace: (kind of upset) Why does the girl NEVER take the vampire seriously?!?

Roxxi: Well, for one thing, if you were a vampire, you would be feasting on my screaming bloody body right now…that’s one reason why I’m a little skeptic.

Ace: Half-blood. (points to his nose) I can’t smell humans. If I could, I’d eat myself.

Roxxi: Well…if you are, how come Livi or Annoyance never said anything?

Ace: (shrugs) Because they’re idiots, more focused on finding me a “bella”

Roxxi: Please. Spare the Twilight references.

Ace: Gladly… Believe me?

Roxxi: Not sure…prove it!

Ace: Sigh… I just took you running through the forest at the speed of sound… (grins to show his fangs) I have the teeth of a shark, and… What else do you want?

Roxxi: Um…well…do you have recurring memories of your past lives?

Ace: (blinks twice) My what?

Roxxi: Your past lives! Do you have any?

Ace: (thoroughly confused) ….no… I don’t know of any vampire that would. I’m roughly 5,927…

Roxxi: Congratulations! You’re a half-blood vampire!

Ace: …did I not just say that?

Roxxi: See, in the book Blue Bloods-

Ace: Wrong.

Roxxi: I know it’s WRONG. But it’s interesting…you know not all vampire stories take the same spin Twilight does…

Ace: Yes, but it’s still WRONG. There’s none of that past-life nonsense…

Roxxi: Didn’t I just say that I know it’s WRONG?!

Ace: Yes, but I said it less complicated. (smiles, showing his fangs again)

Roxxi: Wait, does Moolatte know? Oh my god, she does doesn’t she? THAT’S why she’s so keen on getting us together, she knows my dream is to become a vampire!

Ace: Really? Interesting… so, wait… I’m confused now… first you’re being all sexy and seductive, and now you’re wanting me to bite you?

Roxxi: No, you don’t have to bite me. It’s just some crazy goal of mine. You probably think I’m stupid…

Ace: I don’t think you’re stupid… but, if you became a vampire, you’d be stuck with me forever, and that’d certainly be a drag, wouldn’t it?

Roxxi: (pauses) I don’t think it’d be such a drag. Not with you anyway…

Ace: (smiles) Aw, how sappy…

Roxxi: (blushes) I mean, no, that’s not what I meant…

Ace: (cocks an eyebrow) Oh? Were you being romantic? Or seductive? Or was there some hidden meaning I’m being oblivious and totally missing?

Roxxi: To tell you the truth I’m not really sure what I meant…

Ace: Really… (looks out into the rain)

(silence)

Roxxi: Do you ever get lonely?

Ace: Mm… not especially… I’ve been with my coven awhile, and I’ve really taken to the Crew… why do you ask?

Roxxi: Well…what’s going to happen when me and the Crew and the Posse…you know…pass on?

Ace: I assume I’ll spiral into depression…

Roxxi: (sarcastically) Really? I can’t imagine you feeling much worse than mere irritation…

Ace: No, not really… I killed my mother when I was born and my father’s been out to kill me as long as I can remember. I’ve learned to put up with loss. But… (glances at Roxxi) There might be a few things I’d miss…

Roxxi: (totally misses the hidden meaning) Yeah I’m sure Livi and Annoyance will miss you…

Ace: (laughs) Yes, I’m sure it would be such a pain without me to rip apart her precious little boyfriend…

Roxxi: (laughs) Boyfriends are a strange thing, aren’t they? I had one once…he turned out to be a Facebook stalker.

Ace: (blinks) Wait… (turns to her) So, you… a top-rank super spy… was dating a stalker?

Roxxi: In my defense, I didn’t know he was a stalker at first. When I found out he was, well, let’s just say things got ugly. He now works at KFC with only one ear and a dented shoulder.

Ace: Ooh… feisty… (smiles) I like that…

Roxxi: Well thanks Ace! I like your, um, zestiness…

Ace: Really? (leans closer) What do you mean by that?

Roxxi: Well I don’t know if anyone has ever told you, but your quite good-looking. I was just using one of Lola’s words when she sees a buff fireman on TV.

Ace: (laughs) So, you’re comparing me to a buff fireman?

Roxxi: Maybe…

Ace: Interesting… (cocks an eyebrow) Is that a good thing?

Roxxi: If you think it is. I mean if it’s not weird or awkward or anything—

Ace: (lays a finger on her lips) You must stop being so nervous…

Roxxi: (mutely nods head)

Ace: (slowly moves his finger) Why are you being so nervous all of the sudden?

Roxxi: (softly) I’m not sure if you want to know that…

Ace: (leans closer) On the contrary, I would very much like to know that…

Roxxi: You’ll hate me…

Ace: (shrugs) Maybe, maybe not. That’s just a chance you’ll have to take, isn’t it?

Roxxi: Well…mooandliviarekindarightandithinkilikeyouandihavebeendreamingaboutyouandimnotsurehowyou’regonnatakethisbecaueyoudontdoloveconflicts.

(long pause)

Ace: You dream about me?

Roxxi: I dreamed we got married. Typhoo was wearing black for once.

Ace: (smiles) Really? Interesting… And you think you like me?

Roxxi: Actually…I don’t think. I KNOW I do.

Ace: (intrigued) Hm… Like, or like like?

Roxxi: (tentatively) Like like?

Ace: Hm… so, you’re in love with me?

Roxxi: No! Not really…kinda…maybe…sorta…yes.

Ace: (smiles) Yes? Yes, you love me?

Roxxi: Yes. Yes I love you. (blushes crimson)

Ace: Mm… (trails his finger along her cheeks) Well, perhaps I love you too…

Roxxi: (looks up) You do?

Ace: (repeating her) Yes. Yes, I love you.

Roxxi: You do?

Ace: (laughs) Is that really so hard for you to believe?

Roxxi: Well, yeah, kind of.

Ace: (leans in extremely close) Do you want proof?

Roxxi: (inhales unsteadily)

Ace: (laughs) Is that a yes?

Roxxi: Yes.

Ace: (short laugh) Good… (leans in and kisses her)

Roxxi: (places her arm lightly on Ace’s shoulder)

Ace: (pulls his lips away, wrapping his arms around her waist) Enjoy that, did we?

Roxxi: Yes I think we did.

Ace: (laughs, kissing her again) So, how are we ever going to ever face Moo and Livi again?

Roxxi: Oh great. I didn’t think about that….and what about Typhoo and Annoyance?

Ace: (groans, leaning away from her to slump against the wall)

Roxxi: We could always torture them into silence!

Ace: Hm… not a bad idea…

Roxxi: Let’s do it then!

Ace: I dunno… what about that stupid brother of yours?

Roxxi: Oh crap…he’s a problem…

Ace: Uh, yeah… Well, I assume we’re screwed to ever go back home…

Roxxi: Pretty much!

Ace: Or… I could always bite you and we could live out our romantic fantasies as vampiric nomads?

Roxxi: Oooooh! That one!!!

Ace: (smiles) Don’t you think your brother would kill me?

Roxxi: Well, yes, but who’s counting his opinion right now? Bite me bite me bite me!

Ace: Hm… where have I heard this conversation before?

Roxxi: I mean…only if it is in your best interests, dear boyfriend!

Ace: Boyfriend? Hm… I think I like that… Anyways, I just think you seem a bit to hasty to throw your life out the window.

Roxxi: But it’s what I’ve been dreaming for…

Ace: I thought you dreamt of marrying me?

Roxxi: I did, but that wasn’t the only dream I had! I had dreams of being a vampire with you too!

Ace: Ah… I thought I heard you call my name once or twice…

Roxxi: Wait, how do YOU know that?!

Ace: (surprised) Um… well, I… uh…

Roxxi: You’ve been watching me sleep haven’t you?

Ace: (shrinks back) Maybe?

Roxxi: I don’t believe it! (laughs) For how long?

Ace: A while…

Roxxi: Wow, that’s very interesting. Why, may I ask?

Ace: (shrugs) I was curious… Ever since you said we’d get along well, I wondered why you thought that… So, I’ve been watching you ever since…

Roxxi: Wow Ace, that’s really sweet of you!

Ace: (double take) Wait… you’re not mad?

Roxxi: How could I be mad? Admitted, I’m a little embarrassed because you probably saw my horrible choice of pajamas, but…

Ace: (laughs) Nonsense… (in a flash, he is beside her, his arms around her) I like your horrible choice of pajamas…

Roxxi: (looks up at him) Skeleton pajamas? Seriously?
Ace: (smiles) I think you look lovely. They suit you…


Roxxi: (smiles) Thanks...

Ace: (looks past her to the edge of the cave, where the rain has stopped) Mm… the rain stopped… (to Roxxi) Do you want to head back?

Roxxi: I guess so…shouldn’t deprive Moolatte of the chance to tell us “I told you so…”

Ace: I, for one, would very much like to deprive her of that, but… (scoops Roxxi up and helps her onto his back) As you wish, love…

Roxxi: (kisses his shoulder) Did I tell you that I love you?

Ace: (smiles) I love you too… (runs off)

Roxxi: By the way…you’re not a Facebook stalker are you?

Ace: (laughs) Not unless you want me to be…

Roxxi: (laughs) I think I’m good…

 
 

(At the Manor, during the insanity that precedes a party)

Lola: Ruki, where did you put the streamers?

Ruki: On the roof, like you said!

Lea: What color icing on the cake?

Moolatte: (on the phone) What toppings do we want on the pizza?

Typhoo: Is Keith going?

Lola: I told you on the gate!

Lea: Seriously, the world could end if I put yellow icing where the blue icing should be. Tell me what I should do!

Keith: Hey Moo! Anchovies, Sausage, and Extra Extra Cheese!

Lea: (from kitchen) No anchovies!!!! Pepperoni!

Lola: Disgusting! RUKI! THE STREAMERS!

Ruki: I’m putting them on the gate right now!

Typhoo: Is Keith going?!?!?!

Moolatte: They’ll be here in 30 minutes!

Lola: Good, did you put up the balloons?

Moolatte: I was busy! I asked Typhoo to do them!

Lola: Oh, dear God. Lea! Is the cake done?

Lea: Where the heck do I put the yellow icing?

Ruki: (from outside) Put the yellow icing anywhere you d--- want!

Moolatte: Ruki! No cussing!

Keith: Hey, where should I put the disco ball?

Moolatte: Since when do we have a disco ball?

Lea: Does the icing look good on the left or the right side of the cake?

Keith: Maybe I should use strobe lights instead…

Typhoo: Is Keith GOING?!

Lola: Ruki! Are you done with the streamers? Cause the closet needs to be cleaned out!

Moolatte: Put some pillows and a blanket in there while you’re at it!

Ruki: WHY THE HECK DOES THE CLOSET HAVE TO HAVE PILLOWS AND BLANKETS?

Moolatte: DON’T ARGUE! PARTY IS IN TEN MINUTES!

Lea: WHERE THE HECK DOES THE YELLOW ICING GO?!!

Keith: WHERE DOES THE CATWALK GO?

Moolatte: SINCE WHEN DO WE HAVE A CATWALK?

Keith: I’LL PUT IT RIGHT BY THE DOOR!

Moolatte: K!

Ruki: SHOULD WE LISTEN TO RAP OR ROCK? WHAT KIND OF MUSIC?

Lola: I’LL HANDLE THE MUSIC, YOU HANDLE THE CLOSET!

Ruki: WHY DO WE NEED TO DECORATE THE FRIKKEN CLOSET!

Moolatte: DON’T ARGUE!

Lea: WHAT SHOULD I WRITE ON THE CAKE?

Keith: I’LL PUT THE FLASHING PARTY SIGN BY THE DRIVEWAY!

Moolatte: SINCE WHEN DO WE HAVE A FLASHING PARTY SIGN? WHERE DOES ALL THIS STUFF COME FROM?

Lola: PARTY IN FIVE MINUTES!

Moolatte: CRAP! I STILL NEED TO DO MY MAKE-UP!

Typhoo: IS KEITH GOING?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

(Roxxi comes up the stairs)

Roxxi: Everybody SHUT THE HECK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(silence)

Typhoo: (quietly) Is Keith going or not?

Keith: YES I’M GOING! WHY ELSE WOULD I STILL BE HERE?!!!

Roxxi: SHUT UP DEAR BROTHER! I CAN’T HEAR MYSELF THINK! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK NICE FOR-

Moolatte: Did I hear right? You’re making yourself up for someone?

Roxxi: (stammers) I, um, I meant I was TRYING to look nice for your stupid party Latte!

Lola: It’s my party too! And my parties are not stupid! You’ll see!

Roxxi: (calms down) Sorry Lola, I just…didn’t sleep much last night. I had a strange dream, and I thought…never mind…

Lola: It’s okay, Roxxi. By tomorrow you’ll be a happier person.

Moolatte: You can say that again…

Roxxi: (rounds on Latte) What was that, little impish one?

Moolatte: Oh nothing, nothing at all!

Roxxi: (stares) Right…

(friendly pause)

Keith: Um, I’ve still got to hang up that flashing party sign you know…

Roxxi: (gapes at Keith) Since when do we have a flashing party sign?

 

(Much much later, a good while into the party)

 

Livi: (to Moolatte) So, when are we gonna trap the Lovebirds in the closet?

Moolatte: Umm…we should wait for the game until everybody is tired of Rock Band…Ruki will kill me if I have to pause the game…

Livi: Oh… well, crap! How long will that take?!

Moolatte: Great question…(to Ruki) Oi! Ruki! How much longer?

Ruki: (is holding a guitar from Rock Band) About 3 more minutes! (strums guitar)

Moolatte: Great. By the way, I’ve got a question.

Livi: What?

Moolatte: How are we supposed to trap Roxxi and Ace into the closet together?

Livi: I have absolutely no idea…

Moolatte: Well now, this appears to be a dilemma…

Livi: Uh, yeah… crap… well, maybe we could get them in there without telling them who their partner is?

Moolatte: Yes! Yes yes YES!

Ruki: YES!!!! I’M THE TOP PLAYER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lola: Like there’s a big surprise…

Livi: I take we’re ready now?

Moolatte: Tee hee hee…EVERYBODY GATHER ROUND!!!!

( The Posse and The Crew assemble around Latte and Livi)

Livi: Okie-day! We’re going to play a little party game…

Moolatte: Just a tiny, minuscule, smidgen of a game…

Keith: So this is pretty much gonna be a big, important game…

Moolatte: It’s a game of mystery, deceipt, betrayal, love, lust, romance, passion, anger, fluff, desire—

Livi: It’s Seven Minutes in Heaven!!

Moolatte: (annoyed) I was getting there…

Livi: No, you weren’t!

Moolatte: Yes I was!

Livi: Whatever!!

Lea: Wait, so how does Seven Minutes in Heaven work? Do we temporarily die for seven minutes?

Ace: Oh! Can I be the killer?!

Livi: No! There’s no killers!!

Ace: (pokes his tongue out)

Moolatte: Anyways…so basically all the guys need to write their names down on slips of paper and put them in this bowl (holds out blue bowl) and the girls put their names in this bowl (holds out pink bowl). Me and Livi will draw names and the couple whose names are called must retreat into the closet for seven minutes, where the two of you shall share…bonding time!

Livi: (looks to Moolatte) Bonding time. Bonding Time!

Moolatte: (aside to Livi) Would you rather I said Lovey-time?

Livi: (pushes her away) Nevermind…

Ace: Now, wait a minute… seven minutes? That’s enough time to have a quickie with two different women!!

Moolatte: (looks a little disgusted) No blood-sucking please…I really don’t want to clean the mess up!

Roxxi: Wait…I know what this is…(glares at Moolatte)

Moolatte: (shoots panicked look at Livi)

Livi: Um… what do you mean? We’re just playing a game! Nothing to it!

Roxxi: Right. Well, if it’s just a game, then I’m not going first!

Moolatte: Uh…um…uh…

Roxxi: (smirks) Well? Is that okay?

Moolatte: (regains composure) But of course! (aside to Livi) Now what? We have to send in other people before her and Ace!

Livi: Well… I’m sure Typhoo wouldn’t mind going in with Keith… maybe me and Matsudai could go in a while…

Moolatte: (smiles) Perfect. (to everyone) Okay, everybody, let the game begin!

(Everyone writes their names and puts them in the bowls)

Moolatte: And the first girl is…(makes a dramatic performance of putting her hand in the pink bowl) Typhoo!

Typhoo: SQUEEEEEEEEEE!

Livi: And her “lucky” partner is… (takes her time shuffling the names around and selecting one)

Typhoo: (bouncing up and down with her fingers crosses) Please be Keith, please be Keith…

Keith: Dear God no…

Livi: Keith!!

(at same time)

Typhoo: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Keith: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Moolatte: Bye-bye now! Don’t be long!

(Typhoo drags Keith to closet) (inside the closet, where NO ONE ELSE CAN HEAR YOU WHISPER, TALK, OR…SCREAM) (Moolatte locks door behind them and walks back upstairs)

Keith: How did I get myself into this.

Typhoo: (is so elated) So Keith! When do we start kissing?

Keith: WE’RE NOT KISSING!!!!!!!

Typhoo: But that’s the whole point of the game! To be matchmaker!!!

Keith: MOOLATTE! I AM SO GETTING YOU BACK FOR THIS! SO AM!!! SO AM!!!! YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT THE JET SKI I WAS GOING TO BUY YOU!!!!!

Typhoo: She can’t hear you! That’s why she picked THIS closet! So no one can hear you yelling at her horrible matchmaking!

Keith: (sees the light) Wait a minute…Typhoo, did you say that no one can hear you? And that the whole point Latte and Livi picked this game is to be matchmaker?

Typhoo: Yep!

Keith: Then that means…that the whole purpose of this game is to convince Roxxi and Ace to walk blindly in to the closet, be forced to confess their feelings of each other, Ace to bite Roxxi, and then for the both of them to kill Juliet together!

Typhoo: (blinks) I have no idea what you just said, but your voice sounds beautiful…

Keith: (grabs Typhoo and whirls her around) This is wonderful! This is fantastic! This is the-best-darned-plan-that-impish-little-Moo-has-come-up-with! Typhoo, my sister’s finally going to be in love! Because for once, this plan actually makes SENSE!

Typhoo: (is practically faint) Will you just keep your arms around me please? Thank you!

Keith: I am so giving Moo that jet ski back! (drops Typhoo)

Typhoo: Ouch!

Keith: I’ve got to go and tell Moo! (tries to open door)

Typhoo: It’s locked silly!

Keith: You’re one to talk about being silly…

Typhoo: We still have two minutes left in the closet, and I think you know how we have to spend it…(bats eyes at Keith)

Keith: (groans) Really Typhoo? You know, I just had anchovy pizza…I don’t think you want to taste that…

Typhoo: I don’t care! I’M ACTUALLY GOING TO KISS KEITH!!!

Keith: (sighs) Fine…(leans in closely) I’m just going to kiss you on the cheek, okay?

Typhoo: Okay! (leans in)

Keith: (nervous, leans closer in)

Typhoo: (giggles and leans closer)

Keith: (leans closer until there is maybe room enough for a toothpick between his lips and her cheek)

Typhoo: (Grabs Keith’s face and plants a big one on his lips)

Keith: AAARGH! (pulls back) WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!!!

Typhoo: (grins broadly) I just really wanted to know what that felt like! And our two minutes are up!

Keith: I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU KISSED ME WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!

Typhoo: But did you like it?

Keith: Ask me when I’m not furious with you…

Typhoo: Are you furious now? What about now? How about now? Are you done being furious yet? Are you—

Keith: Try in 6 months…

Typhoo: (pulls out her cell phone and makes a memo for 6 months from now) K!

Moolatte: (unlocks door and peeks her head in) Are we having fun?

Keith: Not really.

Moolatte: (not paying attention) Good! So let’s go!

Typhoo: (as she goes up the stairs) I kissed Keith, I kissed Keith!!!!!

Moolatte: (to Keith) Did she really?

Keith: (growls) Yes. And in 6 months she’s going to try to do it again…

 

(Back upstairs)

Livi: Okie-day! Here goes Round 2!!

Moolatte: (pulls a name out of the guys bowl) Matsudai!!

Matsudai: Wh-what?

Livi: And his lucky lady is…

Nata: (sarcastically waving her hand around) MEMEME!!!

Mowo: (also sarcastically waving her arm wildly) Shuttup, Nata!! MEMEME!!!

Julieanna: (turns to Mowo) My my my… what would Jacob think?

(pause)

Mowo: (puts her hand down) Oh, yeah, I have a boyfriend…

Livi: (pulls a name out of the girls bowl) (pauses) ME?!?!

Annoyance: Bow-chica-wow-wow!!

(LOUD cheering from the Crew)

Matsudai: (blushes heavily)

 

(cut to closet)

 

Livi: (sitting against the wall, banging her head against it)

Matsudai: (scoots closer to her) Liv okay?

Livi: (pauses, head resting on the wall) Yeah… Liv okay…

Matsudai: (looks towards the ceiling, then to the floor, then at Livi) I don’t get it.

Livi: (glances over at him) Whadda ya mean?

Matsudai: This game… I don’t get it…

Livi: Well… Moo’s up there timing us. We’re stuck in the closet together for seven minutes…

Matsudai: (nudges a pillow with his foot) Well, what’re we supposed to do?

Livi: (shrugs) Whatever we want… Really, we’re supposed to kiss, but we don’t have to…

Matsudai: (blushes) Kiss?

Livi: Yeah… But, really, we’re just playing this game so we can hook up Roxxi and Ace!

Matsudai: Hook up?

Livi: Yeah, you know. Like Jacob and Mowo?

Matsudai: Oh, like a boyfriend, girlfriend thing?

Livi: Yeah, like a boyfriend, girlfriend thing!

Matsudai: (laughs) Won’t Ace be REALLY mad at you?

Livi: Meh, he’ll get over it…

Matsudai: You think so?

Livi: Psh. No! He’ll frikken eat me alive!!

Matsudai: (sits up straight) I’d protect you.

Livi: You would?

Matsudai: Yeah. (serious now) I’d do anything for you…

Livi: (stunned) (smiles sweetly) Awww… Mats, that is so sweet! (wraps her arms around his shoulders)

Matsudai: (blushes, leaning closer to her) Thanks… I mean it though… I might not be able to do much, but if you wanted me to, I’d fight for you…

Livi: (blushes) Ohmigosh!! Stoppit!!

Matsudai: (lays his head on her shoulder, smiling)

Livi: (pulls out her cell phone and checks the time) Only about a minute left before Moo lets us out…

Matsudai: (smile fades) Really? (pulls back, looking at her) Do we have to go?

Livi: Yeah… why? Do you not want to?

Matsudai: (looks down at the floor) I like talking to you… you say funny things…

Livi: (cocks an eyebrow) What do you mean?

Matsudai: When we talk about love… you say weird stuff, and your voice gets all squeaky… and you act really funny around me…

Livi: Because you’re so naïve! It’s adorable! You know absolutely nothing about love, but you can still be so romantic…

Matsudai: I’m romantic?

Livi: Yeah. At least, I think so…You’re very charming…

Matsudai: (laughs) You think I’m charming?

Livi: Yes, yes I do. (looks at her phone again) Almost done… (slowly looks up to Matsudai) Do you think the world would end if I kissed you right now?

Matsudai: (gulps nervously, blushing) It might stop turning for a minute in shock, but I don’t think it’d end at all…

Livi: (wraps one arms around his neck, pulling him closer, and lifts his chin with her other hand) Do you want me to kiss you?

Matsudai: (turning ten shades of red) (nervous) Uh-huh…

Livi: (smiles) (leans in close to him) Don’t tell my boyfriend, K?

Matsudai: (unable to speak, barely nods his head)

Livi: (closes the distance between them and kisses him)

Matsudai: (heart thudding wildly, whimpers as he kisses her back)

(After a long kiss-filled silence, Moolatte’s footsteps can be heard in the hallway)

Livi: (pulls back. Lifts his chin, forcing him to look at her) You okay?

Matsudai: (breathing unsteadily) (nods) Yeah, I… I’m fine…

Livi: (smiles) good…

(Moolatte is heard fiddling with the lock)

Livi: (pecks him on the cheek, releasing him) (whisper) Remember: Our little secret, right?

Matsudai: (nods, smiling) Right…


 
 

Moolatte and Livi plotting)

 

Moolatte: I think we’ve pushed it too far…

Livi: (sarcastic) Really? No… Me and Annoyance have only gotten mauled seven times now!! SURELY we can do worse!!

Moolatte: Hey, don’t forget, that last plan of action was YOUR idea!

Livi: Because YOU losers had the bright idea to make ME and ANNOYANCE handle a delicate situation!! You know Annoyance’s definition of “delicate” is fireworks and dynamite?!

Moolatte: You could have said no, ya’ know…

Livi: We had to at LEAST give it a shot… Now, we’re back to square one… but with battle scars…

Moolatte: (touches spot where Roxxi pinched her and winces) You can say that again.

Livi: Ugh… (flops back onto a couch) What now? I’m out of ideas…

Moolatte: We need help! More help than Typhoo, Keith, or Annoyance!

Livi: (rolls eyes) Because that TOTALLY falls under the category of “help”…

Moolatte: (ignores Livi) (looks up) Are you there God? It’s me, Moolatte…(gets sudden inspiration) Livi that’s it!!!!!

Livi: (head jerks up) What’s it?

Moolatte: Did you ever read that book “Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret.”?

Livi: No… why?

Moolatte: Because in the book, Margaret plays Seven Minutes in Heaven at a party and…get ready…KISSES HER DREAM GUY!!!!!!!

Livi: Oh my gosh!!! We TOTALLY have to do it!! That’s perfect!! Just one problem!!
Moolatte: WHAT?!?!?!?


Livi: We’re never gonna get Ace and Roxxi stuck in a closet together for 7 seconds…

Moolatte: We’ll think of a way…(smiles deviously)

Livi: Brilliant…

 

(the Manor)

 

Lea: Hey Roxxi, guess what?

Roxxi: Don’t tell me. Moolatte is renting a boat so me and Ace can go fishing while Typhoo sings “Kiss the Girl.”

Moolatte: (from upstairs) THAT WOULDN’T HAVE WORKED ANYWAY!

Roxxi: (grins to upstairs) CAUGHT ON FINALLY? TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH!

Lea: (is giggling at her friends’ insanity) Actually, Latte and Lola are having a party and you’re invited.

Roxxi: I’m invited? Aren’t I a member of the group? Don’t I get an automatic invite?

Lea: I just wanted to tell you officially…will you and Keith come?

Roxxi: Um, yeah sure, I guess. Whose all invited?

Lea: (gulps) Um…how about I tell you that after the guests are done arriving? So no one gets hurt?

Roxxi: Ace is coming, isn’t he?

Lea: Don’t hurt me! I didn’t write the invites! (crouches down)

Roxxi: Suddenly, I don’t want to go to this party. In fact, I don’t think Ace would be real keen on coming either…

(Lola comes downstairs. Unnoticed by Roxxi, she gets Lea’s attention from the downstairs kitchen.)

Lea: Um…can I go get a Twinkie?

Roxxi: (surprised by the sudden change in conversation) Yeah…sure…

Lea: (thanks) (starts to walk off)

Roxxi: Wait, I thought you hated Twinkies?

Lea: (halts) Um…Moolatte needs one in a project for school.

Roxxi: Really…what kind of project?

Lea: (thinking fast) She has to mail it to her biology teacher.

(pause)

Roxxi: Moolatte has some strange teachers that give strange projects…

(Lea walks into kitchen)

Lola: You’re shifts up. Moolatte’s paying me $50 dollars to get Roxxi to come.

Lea: What? I only get ten!

Lola: (brushes Lea aside) Get upstairs, it’s time for a real show woman to work her magic!

Lea: (huffs and stomps upstairs)

Lola: (dramatically sways into living room, where Roxxi is) Roxxi…please…please…PLEASE…come to my party!!!!! (throws herself at Roxxi’s feet)

Roxxi: (perplexed) Why do you guys want me to come so badly? (pauses and gasps) I knew it!!! Moolatte has informed you of her and Keith and Typhoo’s ridiculous schemes to get me and Ace together and has convinced you guys to join the bandwagon!

Lola: (thinking fast) No I want you to come because…because…because you bring life to the party!

Roxxi: I? Bring life to the party? Me? I’m the morbid one of the party…are you sure you’re not thinking of Typhoo?

Lola: And I’ll need you if she like, destroys something. (lowers voice) Someone’s gotta be Keith’s bodyguard

Roxxi: (sees reason in this statement) You have a point…one party…what could possibly happen?

Moolatte: (from upstairs, listening) Oh trust me, plenty…

 

(Back at the Lair…)

 

(The Crew has just received word about the party, and are ecstatic. Livi and Annoyance are plotting the lovebirds demise, Tiku, Mowo, Nata, and Matsudai are fighting over the invitation, and Julieanna is staying quietly out of the insanity)

 

Julieanna: (walks over to the kitchen, where Ace is looking sulky) Hey, you okay?

Ace: Fine…

Julieanna: You don’t sound fine…

Ace: (shrugs)

Julieanna: So, you going to the party?

Ace: Don’t count on it.

Julieanna: What? (grabs a Snapple out of the fridge) But, you have to! It’ll be fun!

Ace: I’m not going…

Julieanna: (takes a swig of Snapple) Why?

Ace: Because Roxxi’ll be there…

Julieanna: So?

Ace: (glares at Livi and Annoyance, who laugh nervously, and exit the room) They’re trying to set me up with her…

Julieanna: And this is a problem because…?

Ace: Because I don’t. do. Love. Conflicts.

Julieanna: Well, besides YOU, I’m not seeing much of a conflict.

Ace: Love Period is a conflict. I’m not good at Lovey-dovey romance stuff… I just… I can’t do it…

Julieanna: Psh. And you call yourself a vampire…

Ace: (growls)

Julieanna: Chill. That wasn’t a Twilight reference… I’m just saying you’re making this a much bigger deal than it has to be. Not all pairings have to be Bella and Edward.

Ace: (eye roll) Really?

Julieanna: Of course. Mowo and Jacob are spazzing romantics, yes, but look at Livi and Weapon.

Ace: That “uber mega hottie” she keeps spazzing over?

Julieanna: Have you ever seen them together? They’re, like, best friends. At first glance, you wouldn’t even be able to tell they were a pairing…

(silence)

Ace: What’re you saying?

Julieanna: I think you should give Roxxi a chance. For her sake, if nothing else. (walks off)

Ace: (sigh) Oh, God… here we go…


 
 

The next day…on the Hike.)

 

Livi: (leans over and whispers to Moolatte) So, how do we get Vampy and Lovesick alone?

Moolatte: Absolutely no idea!

Livi: Well, that’s brilliant… how’re we supposed to—

Ace: (a ways ahead, with Roxxi) We can hear you, you know!!

Livi: (cringes)

Roxxi: Mind you, Moolatte, that I’ve brought my Glock 9 mill with me…

Moolatte: (gulp)

Annoyance: Brilliant, geniuses… you may not recall, but Ace has super-sonic hear—

Livi: We GOT it…

Moolatte: But does Ace have super-sonic smell?

Livi: Yeah… but… (idea!) Not to humans…

Annoyance: Oh! Oh! I can totally slip us out!!

Livi: Great!!

Ace: (sigh) We can STILL hear you, morons!! How dumb do you think—(turns around)

(And everyone, besides he and Roxxi, are gone)

Roxxi: (has got her gun in position and was ready to shoot Moolatte) Dang, I really wanted to shoot her!

Ace: (growls) I swear… when I get my hands on that scheming little minx… (loud, so Livi can hear) How DARE she leave me alone in the middle of the woods with an attractive female!!

Roxxi: (blushes) You…you think I’m attractive?

Ace: (walking off) Yes, of course… who wouldn’t? (louder) LIVI?! ANNOYANCE!! WHERE ARE YOU?!?!

Roxxi: No one’s ever called me attractive before…smart and goth of course but never attractive…

Ace: (realizes what he said) (subject change) C’mon, they can’t be far… Annoyance isn’t that good at hiding…

Roxxi: (glances at her gun) Neither is Moolatte…or Typhoo…Keith however, is, so he probably has EVERYONE in a good hiding place!

Ace: Well, the four spazzes will probably do something stupid to give themselves away, and Keith doesn’t exactly blend in with the forest.

(Right on cue, Typhoo yells out KEITH!!! WHERE ARE YOU!!! I CAN’T SEE YOU!!!)

Ace: (perks up) (points up a nearby tree) Found her…

(Typhoo is sitting conspicuously up the tree. She has a telescope, and is searching the area)

Typhoo: KEITH! KEITH! WHERE ARE YOU! COME GET ME BEFORE ACE AND ROXXI DO!!

Roxxi: (can reach Typhoo’s foot, so she taps it lightly) Right down here…

Typhoo: (looks at Roxxi) Oh hey Roxxi, I can’t talk now I’m waiting for Keith to save me from you!

Ace: (turns to Roxxi) I pity you, I really do…

Roxxi: (stares at Typhoo)

Typhoo: (finally come to reality) (looks down at Roxxi) KEITH! YOU’RE PSYCHO SISTER AND HER FREAKSHOW BOYFRIEND ARE OUT TO GET ME!!!!!!! BE MY EDWARD AND SAVE ME!!!!

Ace: That’s it… (jumps up onto Typhoo’s branch, shaking it violently)

Roxxi: (jumps on to nearby branch, so she is level with Typhoo) Want to talk about Twilight some more?

Typhoo: Sure! Are you Team Edward, Team Jacob, or Team Switzerland?

Ace: (growls) (aims a punch at Typhoo’s head)

(Suddenly, Typhoo disappears in a burst of confetti)

Roxxi: What the heck? I’ve dealt with thieves and arsonists who can practically slip through vapor, but I’ve never heard of someone disappearing by confetti…It suits her well though I guess…

Ace: (sigh) It wasn’t her, it was Annoyance… Dunno if you’ve noticed, but Annoyance is one of the higher beings… she can “slip” herself and others, which is like teleporting…

Roxxi: Dang, I wish I had powers like that…or close…that’s why I thought being a vampire would be useful.

Ace: Ah, yes, because no neck or blood is ever so useful in combat…

Roxxi: (Sighs) But those characters are fictional aren’t they?

Ace: (eye roll) yeah… fiction…

(In a tree, far far away...)

(Moolatte, Typhoo, Keith, Livi, and Annoyance are in the same tree. Livi, Keith, and Moolatte are using spy-equipment to hear Ace and Roxxi.)

Moolatte: OMGizzles…

Keith: What?

Moolatte: Roxxi doesn’t know that Ace is a half-vampire!

Livi: What?! What a loser!!
Annoyance: He’d better not prove it any time soon…


Moolatte: But that heightens Roxxi and Ace’s compatability by 100 percent!

Keith: Wait a second…if Roxxi becomes a vampire, then…her agent skills will be more superior than mine!!!!!! NOT GOOD!!!!

Livi: Whatever!! If Roxxi goes vampire, then they can be together forever and ever and ever and ever and ever!!

Typhoo: We have to set the mood! (Drags everyone up to the top of the tree)

Moolatte: Hey! What are you doing?!

Typhoo: Remember how we met Ruki?

Moolatte: Unfortunately…

Typhoo: (sweetly) Remember how I distracted the lion-watchers?

Moolatte: No Typhoo! Don’t—

Typhoo: CAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE TONIGHT…(to everyone else) Come on guys, start singing!

Annoyance: (sings with her, at inhuman volumes)

Moolatte: (sighs, then joins in)

Keith: (tries to rap the song)

Typhoo: (attempts to do a duet with Keith’s rap)

Livi: (sings with Annoyance, getting them in a contest as to who can sing loudest)

Ace: (looks up the tree from the forest floor) YOU’RE ALL IDIOTS!! DEAD! FREAKING! TWILIGHT-OBSESSED IDIOTS!!

Roxxi: AND NONE OF YOU CAN SING!!! YOU’RE ALL HORRIBLE!!!!!

Typhoo: (takes no notice) CAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE TONIGHT-

Keith: (notices a LARGE BLACK BEETLE on Typhoo’s head) Typhoo, don’t panic, but, there’s a large bug on your head.

(only the most minimal of pauses)

Typhoo: OHMYGOSHGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!!!!!!!! (Starts jumping spastically. The tree branch they’re all standing on starts to break.)

Livi: TYPHOO!! STOP!!!!

Typhoo: 911!!!!I NEED HELP!!!!! I NEED—

Annoyance: (crosses her fingers) Don’t say Edward, don’t say Edward, PLEASE don’t say Edward…

Typhoo: KEITH!!!!

Moolatte: Thank god…

Typhoo: OR EDWARD!!!

Ace: (growls at them) (kicks the tree roughly, shaking it violently)

(Moolatte, Livi, Typhoo, Keith, and even Annoyance all fall spectacularly down.)

All: OOF!

Ace: Any one else care to comment? Anyone? Or should we just kill you all now?

Roxxi: (advances on Moolatte, pulls out gun.) Sorry, only three seconds this time…

Moolatte: ROXXI STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!

Roxxi: (in spite of herself does stop)

Moolatte: In the name of love! Before you break my heart—

Ace: For the record, you’re REALLY not helping yourself…

Keith: (joins in) Think it o-o-ver!

Roxxi: (points gun on Keith) You know perfectly well that I don’t do disco…

Keith: (assumes Darth Vader voice) Stop! In the name of the Force!

Ace: Okay, see… this is the kind of crap that just makes me want to hit you… hard

Typhoo: (gets all in Ace’s face) Don’t. You. Dare. Hit. Keith. (glares)

Ace: (pushes Typhoo roughly onto Keith, sending them both to the ground) Shut. Up.

Typhoo: (Clings on to Keith) Hi Keith…

Keith: (looks at Roxxi and Ace) I think I’m punished enough quite frankly…

Roxxi: (looks at Ace) He has a point you know…and Typhoo got what she deserved with the bug…

Ace: Alright then… you take care of Moo, and… (turns to Livi and Annoyance, who are cowering in the background) Would you two like a head start, or should I shred you now?

Annoyance: Head start?

Ace: Ten… nine…

(Livi and Annoyance take off screaming)

Ace: ThreeTwoOne! (runs after them)

Moolatte: (gulps) You know, one day we’re going to look back on this…

Roxxi: (growls)

Moolatte:…and laugh nervously and change the subject. (without humor) Tee hee hee…

 
 

Later…

 

Livi: (hesitantly approaches Ace, who is watching TV on the couch) Um… Ace?

Ace: (head snaps up. He looks murderous)

Livi: (holds hands up defensively) Okay, okay! BEFORE you eat me alive, hear me out!!

Ace: (glares coldly, but doesn’t stop her)

Livi: Okay, um… we-we’re sorry… we want to make this up to you and Roxxi, so… Do you want to go on a hike with us?

Ace: (growling) A hike?

Livi: Uh… yeah…

Ace: Where?

Livi: Through that forest you took me too…

Ace: The one that makes you think of Twilight—

Livi: No! Nonono.. no… No Twilight…

Ace: Really… will Roxxi be there?

Livi: Um… yes?

Ace: How convenient…

Livi: What?

Ace: Me and Roxxi alone with the five people most desperate to hook us up in the—

Livi: Okay, I said we were sorry!! We’re trying to do you a favor!!

Ace: (cocks an eyebrow)

Livi: ….please?

Ace: Anything happens, you’re good as dead…

Livi: Okay…

Ace: (sigh) Fine.

 

At the Manor…

 

Moolatte: (walks downstairs) Roxxi?

(No answer)

Moolatte: (walks into living room) Hey Roxx-AAAAAAH!

(Moolatte has walked into a trap. She is now dangling upside down)

Roxxi: (from the shadows) You have ten seconds to plead for mercy until I shoot

Moolatte: Since when do you hang traps in the living room?

Roxxi: Eight seconds.

Moolatte: Aw, come on Roxxi! You really wouldn't shoot me!

Roxxi: Five seconds.

Moolatte: Roxxi! I already said I was sorry! Anyways, whose going to drive the Porsche if I'm gone?

Roxxi: (pauses) That's true. (lowers gun) But I'm still mad at you guys.

Moolatte: Belive me, you have every right to be, I'd be furious if it was me. (pauses) That's why...we thought we'd make it up to you by taking you on a hike!

Roxxi: (smirks) You, on a hike?

Moolatte: Hey! I hiked five miles up a mountain and down! I can hike honey!

Roxxi: And why hiking, may I ask?

Moolatte: Um...because you need a chance to enjoy nature.

Roxxi: (stares)

Moolatte:(Thinking fast) And you can set those little pine sap things on fire, and swing from branches, and slide down waterfalls and-

Roxxi: Okay! So you're pretty much taking me to the playground!

Moolatte: (aside) And we've got you the perfect playmate...(to Roxxi) So will you come?

Roxxi: Whose going?

Moolatte: (gulps) Well me...and Keith and Typhoo of course...and...(says really fast) andLiviandAnnoyanceandAce.

Roxxi: Wait a minute...did you say ACE was going?

Moolatte: M-maybe...
Roxxi: (points gun back at Moolatte) You only have five seconds this time!


Moolatte: He's only going because Livi and Annoyance want to make it up to him!

Roxxi: Three...two...o-

(Keith burst in. In one swift movement he leaps into the air, cuts Moolatte out of the trap, and crashes to the ground, pinning Moolatte under him)

Keith: (acting all dramatic) If you want to hurt Moolatte, you'll have to hurt me too...

Moolatte: Choking...not breathing...

Roxxi: HOW DARE YOU TWO TRY TO GET ME AND ACE TOGETHER ON A HIKING TRIP? WHAT WILL COME NEXT?

Keith: We're not trying to get you together! We just want to appreciate nature!

Moolatte: I'd appreciate it if you stopped digging your knee into my side please...

Roxxi: I'D APPRECIATE IT IF EVERYONE WOULD STOP BUGGING ME AND ACE!!!!!

Keith: Have you considered anger management classes?

Moolatte: Have you considered getting up yet?! Seriously!

(Typhoo walks in)

Typhoo: So Roxxi, are you going on this hiking trip-(spots Moolatte and Keith in awkward position)

Roxxi: Oh this is gonna be good...(sits on chair and observes)

Typhoo: WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?!!!!!!!!

Moolatte: It's not what it looks like!!!

Typhoo: I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND!!!

Moolatte: I am, he was just saving me from-

Typhoo: GET ME MY LAWYER! I'VE BEEN HUMILIATED!

Roxxi: (pops popcorn)

Keith: (to Moolatte) Shall we run for our lives?

Moolatte: Oh yes indeed...

(For the next hour Moolatte and Keith are chased around by Typhoo. Typhoo eventually collapses from exaustion.)

Keith: I thought she would go on forever...

Moolatte: I can't believe she threw a frying pan at me...(touches head gingerly and winces)

Roxxi: (Comes up from behind) I'd say you two have been punished enough...

Moolatte: (looks up, eyes brighten) So that means you're coming?

Roxxi: (sighs) I guess so...

M&K: (slap hands)

Roxxi: Only if you promise no funny business...

Moolatte: (puts hand over heart) On my honor...

Keith: (crosses heart) Cross my heart and hope to die!

Roxxi: All right then. (goes to TV)

M&K: (victory dance)


 
 

Moolatte, Typhoo, and Keith are cowering behind a chair. Roxxi is above,ranting)

 

Roxxi: WHAT MADE YOU THINK TO TRY TO GET ME AND ACE TOGETHER?

Moolatte: (shaking) I already told you I was sorry! I didn’t think you’d take it this bad!

Roxxi: AND WHY DID YOU THINK A LOVE POTION WOULD WORK???

Moolatte: It was Typhoo’s idea!

Typhoo: YES IT WAS!!!

Roxxi: (glares) Don’t be proud…Keith, WHY are you in this too? Don’t you care about my happiness at all?

Keith: Yes! That’s why I’m a part of this too!

Roxxi: I’M HAPPY THE WAY I AM!!!!

Keith: Well you don’t seem too happy this second…I recommend a nice smoothie to tide things over.

Typhoo: Or a love potion!!!

Roxxi: AAARRRGH! THERE IS NOTHING GOING ON BETWEEN ME AND ACE! NOTHING! NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (calms down a little) Am I clear?

Moolatte: C-clear…

Roxxi: Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to bed. AGAIN.

(Roxxi leaves)

Keith: Are we still going to try to get them together?

Moolatte: (grins devilishly) Absolutely!

 

(cut scene to a nearby forest)

 

(Livi and Annoyance are up a very large tree, trying to hide from Ace)

 

Livi: I-is he gone yet?

Annoyance: (looks down and around) I think so… Either that or he’s REALLY good at sneak attacks…

Livi: (whimpers) What’re we gonna do? We go down the tree, Ace’ll kill us! We stay up here, and he’ll STILL kill us!!

Annoyance: Um… well… I dunno!!

(silence)

Livi: (head jerks up) Wait a minute! (slowly turns to Annoyance) Can’t you slip out?!

Annoyance: Huh? Oh…  OH YEAH!! (snaps)

(suddenly, Livi and Annoyance are back at the Lair)

Livi: (collapses all over the couch) Ugh… finally… MOWO!! WHERE’S ACE?!!

Mowo: (from different room) He’s still out!! I dunno where he went!!

Livi: (pumps fist) (mouths “yes!!”)

Annoyance: Now what?

Livi: (phone vibrates) (flips it open to a txt from Moolatte)

Moolatte: Meet @ SS. New idea.

Livi (phone vibrates again) (flips it open to a txt from Keith)

Keith: Come now. We have candy.

Livi: (phone vibrates AGAIN) Holy mess!! (opens new txt)

Typhoo: WE’RE GETTIN ROXXI AND ACE TOGETHER! WOO-HOO!!!!

Livi: (heavy sigh) Back to the Secret Sanctum then…

Annoyance: (snaps her fingers)

(and they’re gone)

 

2.3 seconds later…

 

(Livi and Annoyance appear in the Secret Sanctum with a burst of confetti)

 

Moolatte: Keith has had an epiphany…

Keith: Well, since Moolatte and Super-Spaz’s plans didn’t exactly go as planned…we figured YOU TWO should come up with the next plan!

Livi: Whatever doesn’t get me up a tree with a homicidal, raging vampire on my tail…

Moolatte: Try a rampant massacring gun-toting princess of darkness…

Livi: Hm… touché

Annoyance: Oh! Idea! When in doubt, BREAK OUT THE TWILIGHT REFERANCES!!!!

All but Annoyance: NO!!!!

 Moolatte: Annoyance, we just almost got shot, and you two almost got your heads ripped off! Do we really want to upset them further?!

Annoyance: Ah. Point taken…

Livi: Although… the references aren’t such a bad idea…

Annoyance: Hey, yeah!! We should totally do, like, a real-life sub-in of something!!

Livi: Oh oh!! Like a Disney Movie!!

Annoyance: Heck yeah!!

(they high-five)

Typhoo: CINDERELLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Keith: I don’t exactly think that Roxxi wants to dress up in a sparkly blue ball gown, get stuffed into a pumpkin, and dance in glass slippers until the stroke of midnight.

Typhoo: But I do!!! (leans in close to Keith) You wanna be Prince Charming?

Keith: (pushes her away)

Moolatte: Getting back to the problem, yeah, I think Disney references is a great idea!

Livi: Yay!!

Annoyance: Okay, so what’s a good referace…

Livi: Um… the most doable ones would be “The Little Mermaid” or “The Lion King”.

Keith: In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight…

Moolatte: It’s the circle of life! And it rules us all!

Typhoo: I JUST CAN’T WAIT TO BE KING!!!!

Livi: Brilliant… just. Freaking. Brilliant.

Annoyance: We should probably do the Lion King. I’d be easiest with them… Ace being the Lion and all!!

Livi: (glares) What’d I say about Twilight References?!

Annoyance: …Do not?
Livi: Yes, thank you…


Typhoo: Wait, if Ace’s the lion, is Roxxi the lamb?

Keith: Roxxi is nobody’s lamb!

(everyone looks at Keith)

Keith: She’d rather be a cobra…


 
 

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(Moolatte walks into Typhoo’s room, to find Typhoo reading. Wait, Typhoo’s reading?!)

 

Moolatte: (falls over backwards) Typhoo, what are you doing?!

Typhoo: Just readin’!

Moolatte: But…you never read…

Typhoo: Well yes, but you see we’re to get Roxxi and Ace together!

Moolatte: And WHAT does reading have to with our brilliant plan?

Typhoo: Well…you remember in the 6th Harry Potter book how they made love potions?

Moolatte: Yeah…

Typhoo: WELL I’M GOING TO MAKE A LOVE POTION FOR ROXXI AND ACE!!!!!

Moolatte: Typhoo, that story is FICTIONAL. As in those things don’t really work!

Typhoo: YES THEY DO!!!!

Moolatte: What makes you think that this stupid plan is going to work?

Typhoo: EASY! I’M THE ONE MAKING THE PLAN!

 

Later…in the Secret Sanctum with Livi and Annoyance

 

Keith: Okay, in case you two haven’t already found out, Typhoo is brewing a love potion…

Annoyance: Genius…

Livi: Oh!! I want one!!

Annoyance: (face-clap)

Livi: Will that really work?!

Typhoo: Sure it will! I know just how to do it! I just need something from you guys!

Annoyance: Whatever it is, I guarantee I can get it…

Typhoo: Okay, in the book the characters are attracted by their favorite scents! So I need three samples of Ace’s favorite scents and three of Roxxi’s!

Keith: Wait. I’m supposed to go up to Roxxi and ask her what three of her favorite scents are? Because that’s so not suspicious at all…

Moolatte: I’ll ask her. It won’t be so obvious if I ask her.

Livi: Okay, and we’ll get Ace’s scents…

Annoyance: Shouldn’t be too hard. Wild Guess: Blood, Blood, and Roxxi.

Typhoo: YAY! LOVE POTION!

 

Later…Moolatte and Roxxi

 

Moolatte: So…

Roxxi: (is cleaning gun) What?

Moolatte: What are three of your favorite scents?

Roxxi: (accidentally pulls trigger of gun. Bullet shoots off through the wall) WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW THAT? (lowers voice) Did the IRS put you up to this?

Moolatte: (glances nervously at the hole in the wall) N-no I just wanted to know because…because…because I’m writing about you at school!

Roxxi: And three of your scents is one of the questions? What about “what are my plans when I get older” or “am I going to save the whales” or “if I could meet one famous person who would it be?”

Moolatte: Um…that comes later I think.

Roxxi: (sighs) Okay, um, my three favorite scents would have to be…gunsmoke, blood, and leather.

Moolatte: Really? No flowers? Or food?

Roxxi: Nope.

Moolatte: Interesting. Why leather?

Roxxi: Because…umm…because my favorite shirt is made of leather.

Moolatte: (blinks) Right.

 

Meanwhile…at the Lair

 

Livi: Hey, Ace… You’re like, a vampire or something, right?

Ace: (rolls eyes) Or something…

Livi: Shuttup… Well, uh…

Annoyance: What’s your 3 favorite scents?!

Ace: (looks up from TV) Excuse me?

Livi: Uh… well… we were just curious… what’s your favorite scents, you being so… sensitive and all…

Ace: Not-Dragon, Not-Livi, and Not-Annoyance… (waves them off) Be gone…

Livi: C’mon, seriously!! What’s your favorite scents!

Annoyance: Is there a particular blood you like?

Livi: Any type of food at all?

Ace: (thinks a minute) Wine, Bengal Tiger, and…Four-Winged-Chibi-Cat-Fangirl-Thing… Can you leave me alone now?

Livi: KK… Thanks…

Ace: Why did you ask?

Livi: (walking off) Nothing you need to be concerned about…

Ace: Funny… whenever you say that it makes me more concerned…

 

The Manor, Secret Sanctum

 

Moolatte: She said she likes gunsmoke, blood, and leather.

(Typhoo is heating up a cauldron full of chocolate milk. She is wearing Harry Potter glasses and a witch’s hat)

Typhoo: I’m Magic, I’m magic…

Moolatte: (holds up a test tube) Keith, do you want to fire off a gun somewhere and I’ll collect the smoke?

Typhoo: Yay! My gunman!

Keith: (growls and points gun at Typhoo)

Moolatte: No! Point that somewhere else!

Keith: Aw, darn. (shoots gun off at a target)

Typhoo: WAIT WHERE WERE YOU GOING TO SHOOT THAT THING?!

Moolatte: Never mind Typhoo. (collects gunsmoke in a test tube and seals it) Okay, one down, two to go.

Typhoo: Hey Livi said she would get a sample of Ace’s blood AND his jacket!

M&T: SQUEE!!!!!!

Keith: (sarcastically) Squee!!!!!!!

 

(At the Apartment)

 

Livi: (Throws open the door to the Apartment, Annoyance following after her) DURITHYYLL!!! WHERE ARE YOU?!?!

Durithyll: STRANDED IN THE BATHROOM!! NOW SOMEONE GET ME A FRIGGEN TAMPON!!!

Livi: (stunned) What the crap…

Annoyance: (Snaps her fingers)

Durithyll: WHAT THE HECK!? I CAN’T REACH!!

Livi: (smacks her, laughing) Be nice…

Annoyance: (snaps again)

Durithyll: yaaaay!! Now hang on a sec…

Livi: (Face-clap) God, she’s so stupid…

Durithyll: (walks out of the bathroom after FLUSHING AND WASHING HER HANDS) all better! Sorry, but all the guys went out for “man time” and Komasu’s at her classes…

Livi: Ah, very nice… Anyways, we need a small favor…

Durithyll: small? like, how small?

Annoyance: (holds up an empty test tube) Fill this up with your blood.

Livi: (eye roll) Crap…

Durithyll: but I hate needles!! Can you just have my nasty tampons?

Annoyance: (makes a face) Ew! No!!

Livi: Ew… c’mon, D, please? We just we need a little…

Annoyance: You don’t even have to use a needle! (slips a knife into her hand) I can just cut you…

Durithyll: omigoshNO!!

Livi: What? Why not?

Annoyance: I can knock you unconscious! You won’t feel a thing!

Durithyll: But it’ll hurt like friggen mess—

Annoyance: (slips a bowling ball over her head)

Durithyll: (unconscious!)

Livi: Well, now… that’s one way to do it…

Annoyance: Yup-yup… (slightly cuts Durithyll’s wrist and collects the blood in the Test Tube, bandaging it up when she’s through)

Livi: Alright, let’s go before she wakes up!

Annoyance: Right…

(They run out, making no effort to hide their work)

 

Back at the Lair…

 

Livi: (stops shaking a test tube, filled to the brim with an off-crimson colored liquid) And, viola! Essence of Durithyll!!

Annoyance: I still can’t believe that crazy chick let us have her blood.

Livi: I know, right? Especially a test tube full of it… Okay, next up—

Annoyance: (screams at the top of her lungs) TIIIIIIIIIIIIKUUUUUUU!!!

(Tiku, looking quite confused, comes into the kitchen where Livi and Annoyance are, flanked by Nata and Mowo.)
Tiku: You yelled?


Annoyance: We need a blood sample.

Livi: Way to be subtle, Annoyance…

Tiku: (a bit shocked) Uh… why do you need a drop of my blood?

Livi: (looks uncertain) Actually, we need a test tube full of it…

Tiku: (stunned) For WHAT?!

Annoyance: We’re brewing a love potion!!

Livi: (face-clap)

Mowo: Really?! Awesome!! I totally want one!!

Livi: Later, sweetie. We kind of need this one to work first.

Nata: Who’s it for?

Livi: Can’t say—

Annoyance: Ace and Roxxi.

Livi: (backhands her)

Mowo: Oh my God!! That’s so cool!!

Nata: Are you freaking serious?!

Livi: Yes, yes, yes! But you can’t tell anyone! ESPECIALLY Ace!!

M & N: (“zip” their lips shut)

Tiku: (points to the test tube in Livi’s hand) What’s that? And why do you need my blood?

Livi: Well, Typhoo figured out how to make a Love Potion a la Harry Potter, so we need Ace’s three favorite scents, and the Posse’s getting Roxxi’s.

Annoyance: When we asked Ace what his faves were, he said “Wine, TIGER, and Four-winged-chibi-cat-fangirl-thing.”

Tiku: (makes a face) Is that a test tube full of Durithyll blood?

Livi: Yup!

Tiku: Interesting… So, what makes you think I’ll give up my precious blood for Vampy?

Livi: Because you love me?

Tiku: (stares) Annoyance, care to give it a shot?

Annoyance: You ever seen anyone all hyped up on Love Potion? It’s HILARIOUS. Me and Karma do it all the time! They’re desperate, Lovesick, MORONS!!

Tiku: Like?

Annoyance: (points to Mowo) Like that, but worse.

Tiku: Oooohh… Okay, I’m in! But, just to humiliate Ace…

Livi: Wouldn’t have it any other way…

Nata: Why does he have to give blood? Couldn’t he just use fur?

Livi: No. His fur smells like Matsudai.

Mowo: Then why did Durithyll have to give blood?

Livi: Because she smells like Daiyori. Which is worse in Ace’s eyes, because Daiyori snarks back… So we need blood, which is 100% Durithyll!!

Tiku: Brilliant… (extends the claw on his index finger and makes a small slash across his wrist, then parts the fur out of the way)

Annoyance: (lets the blood flow into a different test tube) (hands a new one to Livi) Here. Ace has a bottle of wine in the fridge. Fill this up will I do this.

Livi: K. Mowo, Nata, Get Tiku something to eat, he needs to get his bloodsugar back up.

Tiku: (sits on the counter, starting to feel light-headed) Ugh… you sure this is gonna work?

Livi: (comes back with the Wine test tube) Don’t worry, we got this!

Tiku: I love how you say that like it’s supposed to be reassuring…

Livi: Shuttup.

Annoyance: (caps off the tube, pours a bit of water in it to make it more soluble, and shakes it up) And we have essence of Tiku!

Tiku: Goodie… (grabs a fudge round from Nata and shoves it in his mouth, then takes the bandages from Mowo and wraps up his arm)

Annoyance: You okay? You lost a lot of blood…

Tiku: I’ve had worse…

Annoyance: Well, then… should we get these over to the Manor?

Livi: Probably… Guys, remember, if Ace gets back before we do…?

Tiku: (through the bandages in his teeth) You were never here. I tripped and sliced my arm on the glass plate Mowo dropped…

Mowo: (pulls a plate out of the cabinet and slams it on the floor)

Annoyance: Excellent!

Livi: Ju’s gonna kill me…

Annoyance: Whatever! Let’s go!!

(They exit)

 
 

(Livi and Annoyance are in the game room in the Secret Sanctum. Moolatte, Keith, and Typhoo are with them)

 

Moolatte: Okay guys, we need to come up with a plan to get Roxxi and Ace together!

Annoyance: (claps) very good, Moo! Way to state the obvious!

Livi: (smacks her) Be nice…

Moolatte: (peeved) Don’t call me Moo…

Keith: (in six Flags them) Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Mooo…

Moolatte: SHUT UP!

Livi: Can we focus please? Thank you! How do we get Princess Darkness and Vampy together?

Moolatte: (Thinks, puts on Thinking Cap, and thinks some more) I’ve got it! You guys remember those old movies where the villain tied a girl to the train tracks when a train comes by? And the hero macho man saves her?

Annoyance: Yeah, of course!

Livi: (dreamy sigh) Macho Man…

Moolatte: Well, what if we somehow put Roxxi in peril, then arrange for Ace to save her? Because in those movies the girl always gets with the macho man.

Livi: Ha! Brilliant! Let’s totally do it!

Annoyance: Is it possible to put ROXXI in peril?

Keith: If I’m the one putting her in peril, it’s possible!

Typhoo: (Dreamily gazing at Keith) My Macho Man…

Livi: Okay, so you three (pints to Moo, Keith, and Typhoo) get Roxxi in peril, and we’ll make sure Ace is there to see it!

Moolatte: This is gonna be great!

(Everybody Leaves)

 

The Next day…

 

(Keith is approaching Roxxi Downstairs)

Keith: Hey Roxxi? We have a problem…

Roxxi: (uplugs her ipod) What Keith?

Keith: There’s, um… a chicken on the roof!

Roxxi: (blinks) No there is not…

(Right on cue, from upstairs Moolatte and Typhoo start running around screaming “Chicken! Chicken! Chicken!”)

Keith: Hurry! They’re gonna go crazy!

Roxxi: Okay! Okay! Okay! (grabs gun and starts outside)

Keith: NO!

Roxxi: What?

Keith: Don’t kill the chicken! Nothing good ever comes from killing things!

Roxxi: (Stares)

Keith: Well, in this case it doesn’t… No weapons…

Roxxi: (Looks at Keith oddly, but places gun on table) Fine.

 

Outside…

 

Roxxi: I can’t see the chicken!

Moolatte: I’m sure it’s up there! It’s probably at the very top, so you can’t see it!

Typhoo: (running around) Chicken! Chicken! Chicken!

Keith: Maybe you need to climb on the roof…

Roxxi: Honestly? Do I have to?

M & K & T: YES!!

Roxxi: (huffs)

 

(Roxxi climbs up the roof, but because Keith wouldn’t let her bring a rope, loses her footing and begins to slide down the roof, screaming)

 

Meanwhile…

 

Ace: Okay, now WHERE are we going that is just SO important? You know I hate coming to town during the day…

Annoyance: Aw, is Vampy afraid of the sun?

Ace: (glares) NO. (Looks around) Hey, isn’t this near the manor?

Livi: (smiles where Ace can’t see her) Mm-hm…

 

(Roxxi’s scream is heard)

 

Ace: (startled) (runs towards the manor, stopping on the lawn, and spots Roxxi) Crap…

Roxxi: (spots Ace, Livi, and Annoyance) Hi Ace! Hi Guys! Just having a little problem!

Typhoo: (Throws herself at Ace’s feet) You have to do something! You have to save her! SAVE HER!!

Annoyance: (whispers to Typhoo) Okay, pull it back there, Drama Club…

Ace: (takes a few steps away from Typhoo) Roxxi? You okay?

Roxxi: (pulls herself into a sitting position at the last possible second) Yeah, I’m fine!

Ace: (smiles, relieved) Good…

Moolatte: (aghast) Roxxi, how did you do that?

Roxxi: Easy! Super-spy tactics!

Typhoo: But you were supposed to get saved by—

(Moolatte pokes her in the elbow)

Typhoo; You were supposed to save the chicken!

Roxxi: Oh yeah! (looks up at the roof) Well, I probably scared it off.

Ace: Um… chicken?

Livi: (sigh) Nothing, Nevermind…

Moolatte: (to the side) Keith, I thought you said that you could put Roxxi in peril!

Keith: I thought I did!

Livi: Well, next time make sure she can’t save HERSELF!!

Keith: (getting angry) Don’t worry, I will…

Typhoo; If you’re done blaming yourself for this tragedy because it’s totally not your fault you’re so smart and handsome that being wrong is impossible for you Keith, then maybe we should listen to moi!

Keith: (impressed) You have a plan?

Typhoo: (gives devious smile) Yes, and it’s a good one.

Annoyance: Oh, I can’t WAIT to see this…


 
 

Lea was eating cereal at the Manor, wearing her new fox-sized leopard print tights. Lola had given them to her for her birthday, and, even though they weren't exactly her thing, Lea felt obligated to wear them.

She had had a wonderful birthday, the whole of the Manor went all the way out for it. Roxxi and Keith had even exploded fireworks that read out "Happy Birthday Lea!" and "Lea is the bomb dig!" and "Lea is the heart of the coven!" Lea wasn't sure what "bomb dig" and "heart of the coven" meant, but she decided to take them as compliments. So yes, it was a wonderful birthday!

Except for one thing. Moolatte had been unable to come.

Moolatte most unfortunately, had a school biology field trip to go to. "I'd much rather be here though!" she had told Lea. "Tell me how you're birthday goes!" Lea missed Moolatte a lot, and hoped that she would come back soon.

As she was pondering this, the mailman knocked on the door. Lea answered. "I've got a package for Lea of the Posse," the mailman said. Curious, Lea took the letter and thanked the man. The letter was adressed from Camp Mikell. It had to be from Moolatte!

Lea ripped the package open. Big mistake. A smaller, inclosed package, a letter, and about a hundred wildflowers spilled out. Only Moolatte, Lea thought, grinning. She opened the letter first.

Dear Lea,

First off, Happy Birthday! I'm sorry I wan't here to celebrate with you. I thought I would bring you a hundred of nature's finest, along with a picture of my new boyfriend!

At which point Lea looked at the polaroid picture enclosed. Moolatte was kissing a giant beetle. Lea shuddered.

I know, not exactly your type, but he's got loads of buzz! Anyways, I hope you had a splendid birthday. I told everybody, especially Roxxi and Keith, to make sure you had a good one. I gotcha something that I think is totally you!

Enjoy!

Moolatte (XD)

P.S. Typhoo didn't make your cake did she? Cause I told her not to, but I'm not sure she was listening. She was too busy looking at Keith.

Lea opened Moolatte's package. Inside, there was a tree-ring necklace. Latte had drawn flowers on it, and had engraved "Lea" into the center. Latte was right, it was totally her.

Lea put on her new necklace and smiled. It was really nice knowing people like